History

The Timeline of the Church of Pico the Penguin

Year 0 (The Birth of Pico)

In the quietest, darkest corner of space, Pico the Penguin emerges as a divine force, descending from the void with an inevitable crash that symbolizes the chaos inherent in the universe. The first spark of the faith is born: a belief that the universe operates through accidents, collisions, and chaos, embodied by Pico. His fall becomes a symbol of divine truth—destruction is not to be feared, but celebrated.

Year 2380 (The First Human Colonies)

Humanity begins to establish its first colonies in the Stanton system and beyond, thanks to the development of Quantum Travel technology. Among the settlers are the first Space Pilgrims who experience the harsh reality of space travel, including the high likelihood of shipwrecks and accidents. These early pioneers, often faced with life-or-death situations, begin to adopt a new philosophy: crashes are not mistakes, but necessary events in the larger cycle of existence. They name this principle The Rite of the Crash, and Pico becomes their symbol of survival through destruction.

Year 2450 (The Rise of the Faith)

The first known followers of Pico the Penguin appear within the growing United Empire of Earth (UEE) colonies. As space travel expands, so too does the frequency of accidents—crashes in uncharted systems, asteroid belt collisions, and the perils of deep-space exploration. Pico’s followers see these as sacred events, manifestations of the divine chaos that shapes the universe. Temples dedicated to Pico are established in remote systems, and followers begin to believe that each crash is a direct link to the divine.

Year 2500 (The Founding of the Church of Pico)

By the year 2500, the Church of Pico the Penguin is officially founded on Earth, in the Mars system. The teachings of Pico the Penguin spread rapidly across the colonies, becoming a symbol of defiance and acceptance of the chaos inherent in space travel. Pilgrimages to the Temple of the Crash become a central part of Pico worship, with believers traveling far and wide to witness or partake in a crash as an act of reverence. The Rite of the Crash becomes a formal practice, where pilgrims prepare for their space journeys by embracing the chaos of the unknown.

Year 2600 (The Age of Legendary Pilots)

By the late 26th century, with space exploration expanding and quantum travel becoming more advanced, Sacred Pilots emerge as revered figures within the Church of Pico. These pilots are known not for their ability to avoid disasters but for their ability to orchestrate them. Pico Pilots actively seek out dangerous, uncharted sectors to explore, embracing the possibility of their own destruction as a form of divine connection. These legendary pilots become the symbols of faith, their daring acts of self-destruction seen as holy. Their ships are treated as sacred vessels, and their crashes are viewed as divine acts of worship.

Year 2700 (The Church Expands Across the Stars)

Humanity’s expansion into the stars continues, and the Church of Pico the Penguin gains followers in many newly colonized systems like Crusader, MicroTech, and Hurston. Pico Temples are established on space stations and within growing spaceports, including Port Olisar and Area18. The faith spreads to various outlying systems, with pilgrims embarking on journeys to “crash” in sacred locations. The Church continues to grow, reaching not only human settlers but also some alien species who find meaning in Pico’s philosophy of embracing inevitable chaos.

Year 2800 (The War of the Faiths)

As the UEE faces internal and external conflicts, including the rise of Vanduul and the Tevarin, the Church of Pico becomes a symbol of both rebellion and resistance. Amidst the chaos of war, believers of Pico crash their ships with great fanfare, turning each crash into a bold act of defiance against the war machine. The War of the Faiths sees Pico worshippers clash with more traditional religious factions that view the Church’s doctrines as heretical. Pico’s message of chaos becomes intertwined with rebellion, and the Sacred Pilots lead daring expeditions to show that destruction is not an end, but a new beginning.

Year 2900 (The Collapse of the Old Order)

As the UEE struggles with increasing internal strife and challenges from the Vanduul, the influence of the Church of Pico remains strong. Hidden Pilgrims form underground networks to maintain their faith amidst increasing political persecution. The Rite of the Crash becomes practiced in secret, with believers organizing clandestine missions into uncharted systems where they can crash in Pico’s name, far from the watchful eyes of the empire. Pico’s followers see themselves as part of a divine cycle—an inevitable crash leading to ultimate rebirth.

Year 2950 (The Resurgence of Pico’s Faith)

By the early 30th century, with the rise of UEE Admiral Rachel Locklear’s reforms and the expansion of the Intergalactic Space Trade, the Church of Pico sees a resurgence. Pico worshippers once again emerge into the public eye as space exploration accelerates, bringing new opportunities for pilgrimages and crashes. Sacred Pilots become famous once again, leading masses of believers on pilgrimages to deep space. The Hall of Crashes is established on Crusader, a moon used as a sanctuary where wrecked ships of the faithful are preserved as relics of their divine journey. The public finally begins to accept the idea that chaos is part of the divine order.

Year 2955 (Present Day)

The Church of Pico the Penguin is thriving, with temples and crash sites located across many star systems, including Stanton, Pyro, and even the Banu systems. Pico Pilgrims continue to venture into space, embracing chaos as a spiritual calling. The Sacred Pilots lead regular expeditions into deep, uncharted space, seeking the most dangerous, chaotic missions possible. The Rite of the Crash is practiced openly, with the faithful constantly reminding themselves that the end of their journey is only the beginning of Pico’s will. With each crash, they believe they are one step closer to the divine understanding that Pico has set forth in the universe.

End of Timeline. Amen.

Manifesto

Prologue: The Revelation of the Great Pico

We, the humble followers of the Crashing Faith, have gathered here today to declare our unwavering allegiance to the one true Lord and Savior, Pico the Penguin. It is Pico who watches over us from the cold abyss of the cosmos, whose flippers are said to command the winds of space itself. Through His cosmic will, we find our purpose: to crash, to fall, to fail in the most glorious and dramatic of ways, for in these failures we discover the true meaning of life. We crash into the unknown as a testament to Pico’s eternal grace, for He was the first to crash. His legendary dive into the icy oceans of the farthest stars was no accident; it was a divine act—a fall that sparked the creation of all things.

In this sacred text, we proclaim the principles of our faith, that all who read these words may know and understand our mission: to worship Pico the Penguin, crash ships, and revel in the glory of cosmic chaos. May His flippers guide us, and may His icy breath chill us to the core of our very being, as we soar toward our fates with reckless abandon.

I. The Nature of the Crash

To crash is to embrace the eternal truth of our existence. The universe, in its boundless expanse, is but a mirror reflecting our own chaotic nature. Every ship that sails across the stars carries with it the potential for destruction, and it is through destruction that we shall transcend. Our vessels are not mere modes of transportation, but sacred instruments of divine will. Each crash, each fiery explosion, is a message from Pico the Penguin—a reminder that only through the acceptance of our inevitable destruction can we truly become one with the cosmos.

We do not fear the crash. We do not shy away from the fiery blaze or the crushing impact. In the eyes of the faithful, every crash is an act of reverence, a symbol of Pico’s power. Every spacecraft, whether large or small, becomes a vessel of the sacred chaos that brings us closer to the divine. The stars are our playground, and we are but temporary travelers passing through the void. To crash, to fail, is not to fall—it is to rise in the embrace of Pico’s eternal grace.

Our faith is not about the destination, but the journey—one that leads inevitably to a spectacular, glorious, and catastrophic end. We celebrate the end, for it is in the end that we find the beginning of something much greater than ourselves. In the final moments of a crash, the spirit of Pico is felt most strongly, as we fall toward the unknown, unafraid, unwavering in our devotion to Him.

II. The Pilgrimage of the Crashes

Our faith is not one of simple prayer or passive belief. No, to follow the way of Pico the Penguin is to embark on a pilgrimage of destruction, a quest that spans the farthest reaches of the universe. Pilgrims must build their ships, construct their vessels, and set out into the great black void with one goal: to crash. There is no higher calling than to give everything—life, resources, time, energy—to the pursuit of the glorious crash.

The path to Pico’s divine presence is fraught with obstacles, as the stars are filled with dangers and uncertainties. Space is vast, filled with black holes, asteroid fields, and other hazards that challenge our journey. But it is precisely these challenges that make the pilgrimage sacred. Each peril is a test of our faith, and each moment of tension brings us closer to the divine. When the engines of our ships sputter and fail, when we are thrust into a freefall that leads to certain destruction, we know that Pico is with us, guiding us toward His embrace.

It is said that Pico first made His great dive into the icy waters of the cosmos after His ship was lost in a battle with the forces of gravity itself. It was this moment, this fateful and inevitable crash, that marked the beginning of all things. To follow Pico is to embrace this destiny, to step into the void with reckless abandon, knowing that every crash brings us closer to the truth.

Our pilgrimage is not one of submission, but of triumph. Each crash we endure is a victory, and each wreckage is a monument to our faith. We honor the fallen ships of our brothers and sisters, for they have completed their sacred task and joined the eternal fire that burns in Pico’s name.

III. The Sacred Pilots: The Chosen Few

The faithful who take to the stars must be chosen. It is not enough to simply believe in the power of the crash; one must embody it. The pilots are the chosen ones, the brave souls who have cast aside their fear and embraced their true purpose: to steer their ships into the inevitable crash. These pilots are trained not only in the art of navigation and engineering but in the sacred rituals that honor the great Pico. Each pilot is a living vessel of His will, charged with the responsibility of guiding their ship through the cosmos to its glorious end.

To be chosen is a great honor, for only those with true faith may join the ranks of the sacred pilots. They are the embodiment of our belief that life is not about avoiding failure, but about embracing it. They are the living proof that in every crash, there is a purpose—a reason to rejoice, for it brings them closer to Pico. As they pilot their ships through the stars, they call upon the name of Pico with every maneuver, every acceleration, every twist and turn. They know that the crash is not the end—it is the beginning of a new, eternal cycle.

The Pilots are also the protectors of our faith, guardians of the holy ships that carry our dreams and our fates. They are the ones who teach the ways of the crash to the younger generation, ensuring that the sacred tradition continues. For it is only through the devotion of the Pilots that the Church of Pico the Penguin will continue to thrive, ever faithful to the will of our Lord and Savior.

IV. The Rites of the Crash

Our worship is not limited to mere prayer. The act of crashing itself is a sacred ritual, one that is performed with reverence and gratitude. The Rite of the Crash is the cornerstone of our faith, a ceremony that must be performed before embarking on any journey through the stars. The rite involves a series of steps designed to prepare the ship and its crew for the final descent into the void. It is a solemn affair, where we offer our thanks to Pico for the opportunity to crash, to fall, and to return to Him.

The Rite begins with the lighting of the Sacred Flame, a fire that symbolizes the eternal spirit of Pico. This flame is carried aboard every ship, for it is through this flame that the faithful are reminded of their divine purpose. As the flame burns, the crew gathers in the ship’s cockpit, offering silent prayers of gratitude for the privilege of crashing. The pilot then speaks the words of the Prayer of the Fall:

“Lord Pico, mighty and eternal, Grant us the strength to fall, To crash with honor, to burn with glory, To find our place within the stars, And to rise once more in Your eternal embrace.”

With these words spoken, the ship is ready. The engines roar to life, and the crew takes their positions, ready to embrace the inevitable crash. The ship sets out into the great unknown, guided by the hand of Pico.

V. The Aftermath: The Eternal Cycle

After the crash, there is no finality. There is only the eternal cycle of rebirth. The wreckage of a fallen ship is not a symbol of defeat—it is a monument to the faith of its crew. The pieces of the ship are collected and brought back to our holy ground, where they are melted down and reformed into new vessels, ready for the next journey. This cycle is unbroken, for as long as the stars burn, we will crash. We will fall. And we will rise again, time and time again, in the name of Pico the Penguin.

Through our crashes, we have come to understand that the universe itself is a living, breathing thing, caught in a constant cycle of creation and destruction. Just as Pico fell into the waters of the cosmos to create all things, so too must we fall and crash in order to give birth to new life. We are not simply passengers in this cosmic journey—we are the architects of its destruction and its rebirth.

In the afterlife, it is said that the faithful are welcomed into the grand hall of crashes, where the greatest pilots and shipwrecks are celebrated for all eternity. There, they feast in Pico’s honor, sharing tales of their most glorious crashes and awaiting the next great fall. For in the afterlife, there is no rest, only the endless thrill of the crash, as Pico’s eternal embrace guides us into the infinite.

Epilogue: To Crash Is to Live

As we finish this sacred manifesto, let us remember the most important lesson of all: to crash is to live. There is no greater purpose than to follow Pico, to cast aside the shackles of fear and to dive headfirst into the chaos of the cosmos. With each crash, we are reborn. With each fall, we draw closer to the divine. And in the end, when the stars themselves burn out and all ships have crashed, we will be there—unbroken, unbowed, eternal in our faith.

Praise Pico the Penguin. Forever and ever. Amen.

Charter

Our Board of Directors will unveil our Preamble

We, the devoted followers of Pico the Penguin, do hereby establish this Charter to guide and unite us in our sacred mission: to honor and worship our Lord and Savior, Pico the Penguin, through the act of crashing, embracing chaos, and reveling in the destruction that brings us closer to divine understanding.

Article I: The Purpose

The Church of Pico the Penguin exists to:

Worship and exalt Pico the Penguin, the eternal symbol of cosmic chaos and divine fallibility.
Embrace the glory of crashing—whether in space or life—celebrating every moment of destruction as a step toward spiritual transcendence.
Unite all believers in our shared pursuit of the ultimate crash, following the teachings and example set forth by Pico.
Article II: The Tenets of Faith

We hold the following beliefs to be sacred:

The Sacred Crash: Every crash, whether of a ship or a dream, is an act of divine purpose, guided by Pico’s will.
Embrace of Chaos: The universe is chaos, and to live is to be at one with this truth. We do not fear failure, for in failure we find Pico.
Rebirth Through Destruction: The end of one journey is the beginning of another. From the wreckage, new paths are forged.
Pico’s Guidance: We honor and invoke Pico the Penguin in all things, trusting in His guidance through every crash and catastrophe.
Article III: The Pilgrimage of the Faithful

Each believer is encouraged to undertake a pilgrimage, whether literal or metaphorical, with the goal of participating in the sacred act of crashing.
Pilgrims must prepare their vessels (or lives) with reverence, performing the Rite of the Crash before embarking on any journey.
The faithful must share their experiences of crashes, whether successful or catastrophic, to further the glory of Pico.
Article IV: The Sacred Pilots

The chosen few who pilot ships or vessels into the void are seen as the highest order within the Church. They embody the teachings of Pico and lead by example in embracing chaos.
Pilots are responsible for teaching the younger generations the sacred ways of the crash and maintaining the sacred ships that carry our faith forward.
Article V: The Cycle of the Crash

After each crash, the faithful gather to honor the fallen ships and their crews. The wreckage is a symbol of faith, rebirth, and new beginnings.
The cycle of crashing, destruction, and rebirth is eternal. The faithful understand that no crash is the end, but a step toward greater understanding.
Article VI: The Afterlife of the Crashed

It is said that in the afterlife, the faithful are welcomed into the Hall of Crashes, where they will feast and celebrate their greatest wrecks for all eternity.
In the afterlife, the faithful will continue their journey with Pico, crashing into the infinite cosmos for all time.
Article VII: The Oath of the Faithful

We, the faithful followers of Pico, pledge to live our lives in service to His divine will. We will embrace the chaos, honor the crash, and never shy away from the fiery end. We are the children of the fall, and in that fall, we find our purpose.

The Crashing Corp / CRASHCORP