Phoenix Corp / PHOCOR

The primary purpose of Phoenix Corp. is to provide a dictatorship for Phoenixhelm & pipps to lead to greatness. As the dictators we will rule with an iron, but fair fist, ensuring stability that purely democratic Orgs. cannot provide and deftly directing policy to greatly benefit our rank & file, Daves, and senior Daves. We will incorporate elements of democratic structure for the purpose of placating the officers, and providing something for them to do in their spare time.

This Organization is primarily concerned with providing services for any paying customer, regardless of affiliation, is willing to work for private & public customers, unless they are Vanduul scumlords. We are willing to perform any sort of task, ranging from acting as local fire fighters to delivering contraband, to protecting important cargo, and, of course, providing military support for any sort of situation. Our facilities and ships are constantly being expanded, upgraded, and we expect to increase our capabilities to better serve our customers.

Lastly, we would like to note that we are an equal opportunity employer, and do not tolerate racism, specism, or Vanduul.

In business, as in every other arena in the universe, integrity has to be cultivated and repeatedly affirmed throughout an organization. At Phoenix Corp., acting with integrity is paramount– and it applies to every aspect of our company. Maintaining the highest standards of integrity involves faithfully meeting our commitments to all our constituents – customers, interns, the Daves, – and to ourselves.

“We made the delivery boys look so good you’ll want to lick them.” -Steve Bobs, Figurehead

The following articles are to establish the law in this company and the behavior of all members of the organization beyond it as dictated by Phoenixhelm & pipps:

α) All Daves of the company are allowed access to the Board of Dave; it is our internal regulatory body and will function as the democratic organ of our dictatorship. The Board of Dave will regulate the worth of one copper (see β), have control over dispensations for the Org. Discord chat, and vote on matters of little importance such as: the chamber temperature, war-plans, number of interns per ship, budget for repair of non-VIP ships, naming stuff (that doesn’t catch the dictators’ fancy), and electing the other members of the Executive Council of Dave (see δ).

β) All Interns are unpaid, until they hit the rank of Delivery Boy (applied regardless of gender, we are gender neutral!), from which point they are to be paid one shiny copper every fortnight at 23:59 sharp. Protesting is allowed, but not on company time, and will result in forfeiture of said copper and a reduction in rank to intern. Unionizing is allowed, but will likely be met with the overwhelming firepower of our home base’s turrets.

γ) This letter is to be pronounced GAMMA. This is non-negotiable.

δ) The Executive Council of Daves functions as the actual organ for deciding matters of importance for the company, including budget allocation, allowed dress for interns (all dress will be gender neutral and focus on the year’s chic stylishness, new uniforms every year [probably]), alliances with other organizations, taking out the trash, who gets to pilot VIP craft, promotion within the organization, allocation of roles within the organization, when to get serious, the pay of all lower ranked Daves, access to weaponry & the Hovertank™, when to throw parties & how much to throw at them, voting on amendments to the charter, finishing run-on sentences, and

ε) All Cats (spelling includes Cat, Ket, Kat, Nyan, Neko, Kot, Bilai, etc. within reasonable assumption of being a cat) within the organization are promoted to Dave rank automatically and are to be let in immediately into any space ship regardless of the pressure differential or potential space conditions. We are an equal opportunity employer!

ζ) Intern Magnets are responsible for the recruitment of interns for the organization, as well as the acquisition of spiced punch for the intern parties which must occur on every second Saturday of the 13th month. As such they will have access to specialized channels in the Org. Discord that allow them to communicate with the Executive Council and their fellow Intern Magnets for the purpose of judging new recruits.

η) All Dave’s must attend a yearly seminar on employee-employer relations, as a part of our commitment to continuing education for all members of our organization. This seminar must take place on the last day of the 2nd month provided it ends on a nine (9) or on the first day of the sixth month, rain check being the Ides of March for the former, and the Ides of August on the latter. To miss this seminar is immediate demotion to a lower rank to be decided on by present Daves.

θ) The Davian hierarchy is structured to provide greater access to dictatorial favour; as such each Dave gets allowance for one petty grievance to report to the dictators, to be heard in the presence of Council of Dave, each increasing rank doubles the prior allowance. Hearings are to last no more than two minutes and twenty-nine seconds and must be accompanied by mariachi band music. Interns are allowed to petition their local Dave for a use of their grievance, but good Thor, be discreet about it.

ι) VIP ships are those ships that the company uses for special operations, including, but not limited to smuggling for other Organizations, saving cats from trees, offensive and defensive operations in the support of UEE or private interests, protection of important cargo, initiating Exterminatus on contaminated planets (“PRAISE THE IMMORTAL GOD-EMPEROR OF MAN!”), any ships worth over 150000 UEC, any ships carrying Daves of any rank, and any ships that belong to the Dictators and the Executive Council (unless special dispensation is made).

κ) The water to salt content of all Organization members is to be kept at or below a ratio of 85:15 H2O to NaCl. Kappa.

λ) All members of the Organization have access to the Discord chat, a link will be provided upon acceptance to the organization. This chat is for Organization business only, unless a dispensation is provided from the Board of Dave.

μ) As due to deference is owed to the Dictators they would prefer to be addressed as “The Dukes of Irrelevant, but Commonly Known Space” or DICKS for short.

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